A tribute to Zani, a MAGICAL dog who did not FOLLOW TRADITIONAL ROUTES OF AMPUTATION THEN CHEMOTHERAPY FOR VARIOUS REASONS AMONG WHICH WERE SUBSIDIARY PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS BUT WAS GIVEN PALLIATIVE THERAPY AND IMMUNE SUPPORT. SHE WAS A MIRACLE DOG IN MANY RESPECTS AND IS STILL PERFORMING MIRACLES IN HER SPIRIT FORM. AM ALSO SUPPLYING A LIST OF BOOKS ON CANCER, CANINE HEALTH, HOLISTIC/HOMEOPATHIC ALTERNATIVES, DIET, AND TELECOMMUNICATING, THAT I FOUND HELPFUL WHILE BATTLING THE BIG 'C.' ANOTHER SECTION IS DEVOTED TO 'AFTERWARDS'-ZANI'S COMMUNICATING FROM THE SPIRIT WORLD.

Here is Zani's story.

written w/ love,
gisella McSweeny, Ph.D.

Zani was not the typical patient in any way--usually, OSA ( osteosarcoma) is a large dog disease (dz) and typically strikes the front leg and, for some unknown reason, statistically speaking, not white dogs. This portion of Zani's story is from diagnosis (dx) to treatment (tx)of canine cancer, OSA (osteosarcoma), but it is by no means all of her story. Please see the other links for alternative therapies, harp music, pain management, recommended reading, tricks of the OSA trade, diet, afterlife (yes, there IS an afterlife), and, of course, her fotos. This website is a work in progress, made w/ much love as a tribute to Zani but also w/ the idea that we can help the canine cancer community, and especially the canine bone cancer community. .

Herstory of Zani's disease (dz)

May 16, 2002, Zani went into Animal Medical Center, NYC, for her blood pressure check as her bp had been spiking--I had been complaining since Jan/Feb that she was restless, panting, nervous, hypertense. April, they discovered she had bp of 220 for which she was put on meds (but which had to b checked every 10days - 2 wks and adjusted accordingly). Dr. Joshua Tumulty, her vet at the time, had taken her in but, when she came back, she was limping. Zani had a very arthritic left hip, so the assumption was her hip or that perhaps she had sprained her foot, pulled a ligament, but nothing that warranted immediate concern. She had taken Rimadyl in the past for her arthritis but had been pulled off it due to potential harm to liver and kidneys. Zani was already a heart patient who was beginning to show signs of compromised kidneys due to the heart/kidney meds...(Enalpril and Lasix).

Dr. Tumulty suggested Zani could have acupuncture and mentioned Dr. Richard Joseph who had been at AMC for 16 years and who was also listed in NY Magazine as among best vets in area. (Dr. Joseph is one of 110 Board Certified Veterinary Neurosurgeons in the world.) Tracked him down, not exactly in the area, Yonkers, but Z had an appointment for May 28, 2 days after her 14th birthday. The drive was miserable due to traffic and the fact that Z had always hated the car--she hyperventilated the whole way. We had a long wait but Dr. Joseph listened to Zani's story told by me, watched her walk, and said that he did not believe that it was in fact her hip, rather he wanted to xray her. And did. And came back saying he was very sorry to deliver the bad news: Zani had bone cancer in her left femur (thigh bone). I examined the x-rays, saw a fractured bone (most likely incurred during her May 16th visit not through the fault of anyone but because the bone was so fragile), as well as the moth-eaten area in the bone, albeit small, and asked what the next step was. He gave me a few 5mg tablets of Torbutral, (Butorphanol), with directions to administer 1 tab every 8hrs as needed and suggested I take her back to AMC for a bone biopsy for confirmation as well as to determine what kind of bone cancer, but informed me that usual treatment included amputation followed by chemotherapy. Acupuncture was out of the question as the last thing wanted is a fresh blood supply to feed a tumor.

Needless to say, the world ended in those moments. I had already committed months of hospice care to my mother's younger sister years before. Although I knew tx was different, the C was different, species and times were different, the paths and end results are almost always the same--be it sooner or later.

My immediate problem was that Zani needed assessment and soon to determine tx. Dr. Tumulty was in TX at a conference not due back until June 10th as was most of the staff at AMC. Dr. Joseph, I later learned, was giving a paper at the same conference, tracked Dr. Tumulty down, and told him of Zani's latest development. Dr. Tumulty, due back to work on June 11th, came back into the hospital on June 9th to call me and book Zani for an overall assessment on June 11th and a bone biopsy w/ Dr. Douglas Huber on June 15th. Almost a year earlier, June 30, 2002, in a routine oral check in R.I. by Dr. John Turco, a plasmacytoma was found in the left forequadrant of Z's mouth. August, Dr. Huber performed a beautiful partial maxillectomy removing all of Zani's tumor so he was the natural choice for her biopsy and amputation. (Zani took herself off pain meds 4 days post-op and put herself back on kibble 9 days later after having eaten a 'soft' diet of crab cakes and the like.)

Until June 23, nothing was known. Zani was home, on Torbutral round the clock. I discovered that 5mgs was indeed too much as she slept 20hours w/ the first dose. June 23rd, Dr. Huber called with the news that Zani had Osteosarcoma. I had already decided that if the biopsy came back w/ a dx of OSA, I would not put Z thru amputation or chemotherapy as prognosis is usually 3-4 months; I did not feel it fair to make her spend her last months recovering from surgery and learning to walk as a tripod. We left for R.I. for the summer, thinking July 3 would be her D-day, especially since she had always disliked the fireworks.
We stayed in R.I. for the summer with occasional trips to NYC for my work and Zani's check ups. Because Zani was doing so well, I thought maybe she could have chemo foregoing the usual amputation. Dr. Joanne McKnight, oncologist par excellence at AMC, dissuaded us of that notion due to toxicity of chemos to heart and kidneys. She did suggest that Zani could have palliative radiation later to reduce tumor size thereby reducing pain. We stayed up in R.I. til October 16, taking the miserable drive back and forth on I-95, because R.I. was Zani's preferred abode with big backyard, beach across the street, 4 steps out the door (much easier on my back than the 2-3 flights of stairs in NYC!!!!! as I did not let Zani do stairs). We did have to move back to New York as my then 4.5 yr old twin girls were in PreK4 and I had to work 2 days per week in the city. I took Zani in for regular check ups at AMC with Dr. Huber. In November, Zani went in for radiation treatments which is done on a 0-14-21 day schedule, the first tx usually lasting 45 minutes, followed by two 4-10 minute ones if the first one proves helpful. They almost lost Zani on the operating table under anesthesia--her heart rate fell too low and they did not feel she should undergo further radiation. Did the radiation help? Problem with that treatment is that one can feel too good and then go about breaking the leg with euthanasia being the only alternative. I do believe Zani felt better after the initial recovery from the treatment as her leg was manipulated quite a bit, but the risk of losing her was too great to put her under anesthesia again.

Other visits followed back and forth to AMC, to follow the progression of the tumor which, although slow growing, happened in spurts, and for which I upped her pain meds. Other than her blood pressure medication, her other meds stayed pretty much the same and, later, we did add Rimadyl for pain management.

Zani's appetite and water intake were good and she was relatively active all things considering. Her spirit kept everyone going. She did move around less as time went on and began to need help getting up. I had bought a beautiful sling from K-9carts.com (actually, I had bought and returned many to various places prior to!) which we used all the time from January on. She insisted on going out to potty and she had a bit more autonomy with the sling. Because she was not using her muscles as much, and because the disease was tiring, she eventually lost her ability to stand. This was demoralizing as well for her. We did try water therapy in the bathtub, using a towel for a sling in the hopes of building muscle, but time was no longer on our side. Her appetite by then was much diminished. We tried a supplement to increase her appetite and a medication but the results were very temporary.

My birthday was February 28 and Zani did eat some cake and ice cream, but she indicated that her time to cross the Rainbow Bridge was fast approaching. I chose March 8 because it is International Women's Day as well as my mother's late sister's birthday. Also because Dr. Huber was off site prior to and due back around then. When I brought Zani in to AMC on March 6, Dr. Huber agreed that the time was then--even that day if I so chose. Zani and I both needed more time because that wasn't our intention for that day--I had needed confirmation that her time was then but we weren't prepared for "then" to be that moment.

Zani defied the odds. She walked on her leg and the fracture healed right through her tumor, despite everyone's expectations to the contrary. Almost to the minute of her bone cancer dx on May 28, Zani went off kibble and red meat on her own and insisted on eating turkey only. I spent a lot of time internet researching bone cancer, canine bone cancer, canine cancer, diet, joined 2 extremely helpful listserves (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CanineCancer/ and http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CanineBoneCancer/ both yahoo egroups), and got literally dozens of books on canine health, cancer, telecommunicating w/ animals, holistic/homeopathic and alternative medicine for dogs, (see recommended book list), but Zani was my guide in this. As it turned out, she was 100% right--red meat was not recommended, nor was raw (not a good alternative for dogs w/ compromised systems according to Tufts Veterinary School of Medicine as well as not recommended by the FDA), nor was pork due to nitrates, nor were carbohydrates or sugar,... and Zani had pulled herself off all of them. Her system (she!) knew what she needed to get better. And better she was. I started adding organic vegetables and had to include organic potatoes as a binder. A typical recipe was fried up org zucchini, org carrots, org potatoes, w/ lots of homemade roast/boiled/sauteed turkey, 3-4x per day, some 4% cottage cheese w/ flax seed oil or Missing Link (gold).

We stayed in R.I. for the summer with occasional trips to NYC for my work and Zani's check ups. Because Zani was doing so well, I thought maybe she could have chemo foregoing the usual amputation. Dr. Joanne McKnight, oncologist par excellence at AMC, dissuaded us of that notion due to toxicity of chemos to heart and kidneys. She did suggest that Zani could have palliative radiation later to reduce tumor size thereby reducing pain. We stayed up in R.I. til October 16, taking the miserable drive back and forth on I-95, because R.I. was Zani's preferred abode with big backyard, beach across the street, 4 steps out the door (much easier on my back than the 2-3 flights of stairs in NYC!!!!! as I did not let Zani do stairs). We did have to move back to New York as my then 4.5 yr old twin girls were in PreK4 and I had to work 2 days per week in the city. I took Zani in for regular check ups at AMC with Dr. Huber. In November, Zani went in for radiation treatments which is done on a 0-14-21 day schedule, the first tx usually lasting 45 minutes, followed by two 4-10 minute ones if the first one proves helpful. They almost lost Zani on the operating table under anesthesia--her heart rate fell too low and they did not feel she should undergo further radiation. Did the radiation help? Problem with that treatment is that one can feel too good and then go about breaking the leg with euthanasia then being the only alternative. I do believe Zani felt better after the initial recovery from the treatment as her leg was manipulated quite a bit, but the risk of losing her was too great to put her under anesthesia again.

Other visits followed back and forth to AMC to follow the progression of the tumor which, although slow growing, happened in spurts, and for which I upped her pain meds. Other than her blood pressure medication, her other meds stayed pretty much the same and, later, we did add Rimadyl for pain management.

Zani's appetite and water intake were good and she was relatively active all things considering. Her spirit kept everyone going. She did move around less as time went on and began to need help getting up. I had bought a beautiful sling from K-9carts.com (actually, I had bought and returned many to various places prior to!) which we used all the time from January on. She insisted on going out to potty and she had a bit more autonomy with the sling. Because she was not using her muscles as much, and because the disease was tiring, she eventually lost her ability to stand. This was demoralizing. We did try water therapy in the bathtub, using a towel for a sling in the hopes of building muscle, but time was no longer on our side. Her appetite by then was much diminished. We tried a supplement to increase her appetite and a medication but the results were very temporary.

My birthday was February 28. Zani did eat some cake and ice cream despite her prior refusal of sweets, but she indicated that her time to cross the Rainbow Bridge was fast approaching. I chose March 8--it is International Women's Day, my mother's late sister's birthday and because Dr. Huber was off site prior to but due back around then. When I brought Zani in to AMC on March 6, Dr. Huber agreed that the time was then--even that day if I so chose. Zani and I both needed more time because that wasn't our intention for that day--I had needed confirmation that her time was then but we weren't prepared for "then" to be that moment.

On Friday, we had a pre-crossing party (my mother, my twins Alegra and Paloma, my mother's papillon Oz, and special guest Zani). We made a cake w/ rainbow colored frosting. This time, Zani didn't care to partake of the cake and ice cream.

I had asked for a late appt. for March 8 but Dr. Huber said he couldn't guarantee that emergencies and surgery schedules would prevent that happening so fixed our final appt. for 10am. That morning, for the first time ever, Zani pretended to take her pain pills which I found and again fed her in peanut butter. It was as if she knew she wasn't going to need them anymore! My mother drove us to the park that morning so Zani could have a "snow" date, and then we headed down York Avenue to AMC. As we pulled into the parking lot, Dr. Huber called me on my cell phone to inform me that he had moved Zani's appt. to 12pm. I repeated what he said so that my mother was privy to the phone conversation. My mother, in her joy, turned the car around and ran two red lights. We headed back home to enjoy Zani for an additional 2 hours and an additional snow date.

We went back to the park and Zani, who hadn't stood on her own for about 2 weeks, stood up in the snow. I was stunned. She had reserves of strength beyond the norm and an instinct for what was/is. Nonetheless, we went to AMC.

Dr. Huber had explained the technique: a catheter would be put into her vein, then she would be given a sedative, then the lethal injection. He asked if I was ready. Is one ever? He took Zani in the back to put in the catheter and returned with her. Zani and I had another private conversation and then, pushing hard to stand with her front legs, she tried to get up off the steel table. She was clearly not happy with the event to come. I said, "Now!" and Dr. Huber gave her both injections. I had imagined that she would be sedated first so that I would still have time with her in a calmer state. In less than 30 seconds, her spirit had left.

I spent time with her body until Dr. Huber came to take her away to have her bathed. My mother and I waited and then were given time to spend with her again when she was returned freshly bathed. I stroked her, talked to her, wept, and then had to let her go to the morgue until the funeral parlor came for her body. I suddenly became very cold and said to my mother that Zani "was so cold and she doesn't understand why it is so dark!" It was a feeling I could not shake.

Zani was due to be cremated on Monday at Hartley, in Westchester. I had scheduled a private cremation so that I could have her ashes returned to me. My intention is to someday have my own mixed with hers. I changed my mind later in the day and called AMC to say that I wanted her body back but it was too late, Hartley had already picked her up. I called the crematorium to inform them of my change of plans but they were closed for the rest of the weekend. I cried for hours and hours until my eyes held tears no longer. My throat ached, my entire body ached, but nothing ached more than my heart. I slept badly and could not get warm.

On Monday, the sky was veryyyyyyyy overcast as my mother and I headed out to view Zani one last time and to attend her cremation. When I saw her in her casket, I picked up the box and took it to the car. I decided to take her home. I rescheduled her cremation for Friday. Returning home, the sky brightened and the sun actually came out. I set up candles and flowers around her casket on the floor in her bedroom. That night, I slept on her bed with the windows open (the temperatures were in the 20's). I couldn't get comfortable (she was 25 lbs)...a message to combine her two beds was sent to me. I slept well that night under old fur coats despite the cold. I bought dry ice later in the week when the weather turned warmer. Zani had no odor as she hadn't when she was still in her body.

For myself, I have no doubt that my way of handling my grief was right. And, I am assured that Zani felt the same way. Zani appeared in many ways--she turned off her harp music to indicate that she was all right. Even so, I continued playing the harp music for a long time after she left the physical world. I found other evidence that she was very much with me: when I left my apartment for an overnight or longer, she insisted on her ashes either coming with me or staying at my mother's; her Rose of Sharon that I had planted for her during her last summer did not bloom the following one until I was at our summer home alone in the fall; when I attended a conference in St. Louis, she appeared in a dream at my beckoning. I have a dream catcher made with her fur and I wear a lock of hair between 2 sapphire watch chrystals w/ a bezel of white gold on a white gold chain around my neck. And she has involved me in animal rescue and volunteer work at New York City Animal Care and Control--our city shelter where on day 3 there, I came home with a 5 yr old parti-colored cocker who adopted me and whom I have named Folly. While I know that Folly is not Zani, sometimes I feel that something of Zani's spirit is invested in Folly--and I am certainly happier with a new bitch in my home.